Last month, we explored the world of dating from a girl’s perspective; now, it’s time for a guy’s. Allan Reynzo answers the question that’s been plaguing women for centuries: What makes a guy settle down and pursue a relationship over a hook-up? Read on to find out how Allan met his wife by changing his mind-set.
I was recently chatting with a friend about relationships - specifically, the reason a guy would pursue a relationship over sleeping around with the occasional hook-up. The answer is simple: it’s in the mind-set of the guy.
After years of not really caring what (or who) I was doing, I noticed that the satisfaction I derived from each of encounter was, for the most part, slightly less palpable than the previous. The “hunt” was always exciting but after a certain point, the physicality was essentially a tangential benefit. The real thrill, at least for me, was answering the question, “Can I seal the deal?”.
“Hook-ups became less satisfying”
Mornings were typically awkward. Texts were even worse. Should I respond? Should I continue making plans with somebody who doesn’t interest me? After a certain point, this begins to take its toll.
I like to think of myself as a good, decent person with integrity, but there was a fundamental disconnect between who I was at work, with my family, with the friendly Starbucks barista, and the person I was during these other, more disposable interactions. Reconciling the two became increasingly difficult.
“I needed to engage with women I could see myself committing to”
Although the actual hooking-up was always enjoyable, the “hangover” kept getting worse. Eventually, I decided that it wasn’t working. I needed to start engaging with partners that at least stood a chance; with women that I could see myself committing to. Obviously, there were some backslides but, for the most part, it worked. I didn’t feel guilty telling girls I wasn’t interested and I didn’t have to dread seeing certain people when I went out; it’s kind of crazy how small New York gets as you date more and more people.
“I knew I was going to marry her”
After a year or so of doing this, I met the woman who is now my wife and, although it sounds so cliché, I knew I was going to marry her immediately. I’m not sure I would have had this feeling or been as receptive to it had I continued trying to shtup everything that moved.
I’m just one guy and this is just my personal experience. You can’t predict when this will happen to other guys, or if it will happen at all. But, the chances are good that most guys will come to this decision themselves; either because he has made the conscious decision (like I did) to stop pursuing the random hook-up as the goal for each night out, or because he meets a girl and there is such chemistry that he decides he wants to keep it going. He’ll be the better man for it.